I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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