Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
