We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
