I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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