i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
