youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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