some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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