Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
