He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
