Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
