well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
