we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
