I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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