Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
