we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
