gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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