She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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