I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
