I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
