Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
