We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
