.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have to summon your inner elephant
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
