did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
