coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
