I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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