All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
