I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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