Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
