so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
