i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
