Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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