why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
