i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
