Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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