Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
