I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
