The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
