Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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