I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
