anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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