My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
