I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
