really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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