i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
