"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
