My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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