You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
