just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
