My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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