she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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